| haven't done this in awhile |
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| 08:41am 14/01/2009 |
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Just discovered this isn't blocked at my work....
hmmm...
maybe I'll return to posting here :D Even though it doesn't seem that many ppl use this any more. |
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| 04:51pm 15/12/2006 |
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mood:  content
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Had my last midterm today. Didn't miss a midterm so i don't need to take a final for anth 121. Trying to decide if I should take the final for anth 16 as it is optional and the test everyone failed I passed with a B. Most worried about old English--studying this weekend.
Putting on last edits to Traitor Born. Roy and Andrew are up for a writer's group. That'd be cool--we'll see how it goes. I'm also going to join Wing-Sze's Fantasy-Writing Community on some blog site...want to visit my SFSU friends! (Wing Sze, Lydia)
Ryan has a final to morrow morning. I have fwork sunday. Lucille hasn't given me info on the white elephant party. Still waiting; called her twice.
Good luck on finals everyone! |
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| No longer a hermit |
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| 05:02pm 27/11/2006 |
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mood:  depressed
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I am not in school for a degree.
if I listen to everyone around me who pushes themselves through school for the priceless paper at the end of a stage, i'll go crazy. So what have I done these past two semester?
i've gone crazy. i've believed my grades mattered. Graduating matters. Maybe to others; but I'm in school to learn, not to find a job.
A job will come, afterall i don't have as much invested in a job as other people. I see a job as an aside; just as school has been. I need money to pay bills, no more and no less. I'm not looking to be wealthy. i've grown up around to many wealthy ppl to ever want to be them.
I want a simple life. I want to write; that's it.
Do I need a degree to publish a novel? No.
Can I get a job now? yes. easily. Why do I not have one? i'm afraid my grades would suffer. Why do I fear that? Because I've invested the sort of importance in grades that others have told me I should. Do they know how I work? No. Can they see in my head? No.
I've tried to be what i believe others want me to be because I'm scared that i'll make a bad decision for my future. Why? Because I thought I needed SFSU and learned it was too difficult for me to be away from my family and because I didn't like their anthropology program. But why did I go? Partially because I felt my parents thoiught it would be good for me to move away.
Here I am imposing on myself what I think other people are thinking. Who is this fair to? No one.
And in the process I forgot what I needed. I was sacrificing Don-Yin for school. Why?
At my birthday party everyone was talking to Thao about how to go through college. I felt that there was a distinct emphasis on "get job, get money, be happy," and i started to think this is/should be expected of me.
I'm not asian, I don't have the immigranht/ 1st generation incentive to suceed in order to validate the sacrifices of parents or be some extension of my parents. I'm neither.
I come from an artistic family. Mucisians, painters, poets, graphic designers (grandparents, uncles, parents and cousins)and my background is one that values learning, explores intel;lectual and crreative endeavors and this is what I should be doing. Concentrating on learning and individual expression.
Do what you love and the money will follow. How many times has my mother quoted this to me? WHY?
Because no one could out-do Mozart and Beethovan because they loved what they did--mind they were broke, but they were happy. JK Rowling loves what she does, she's wealthy. Mucisians who sell popular records often like what they do, until fame destroys them. Am I asking for that? No. Just enough to get by.
I don't want fame. I just want to write. But because I feel I'll be "normal" if i do the whole stress-myself-out-college-thing I'll have more in common with my friends. But friendship is not wholly based on commonalities but on acceptance. Those who cannot accept minor differences, even when there is a great deal of similarity and/or similar interests will not have lasting friendships because they cannot accept faults in the people around them--and cannot accept differences.
The truth ios that there are so many ways to go about life that I should concentrate on following my heart down my path and if I feel it makes me less understood--well, that's life. Who's ever understood me? When has it ever mattered?
Acceptance is more important.
I'm sorry I ranted...needed to get it out.
I'm only going to school part time next semester so that I can reacquaint myself with a love of learning. I'm going to finally return to my writing. And I'm going to work/ move out. That's what I need.
Finally have it.
Bye! |
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| 03:15pm 25/05/2006 |
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My last final is tomorrow
I packed today...and i'm fantasizing about changing my room.
I'm gonna get a job in SAC asap, bookstore, cafe or waitressing.
I am planning on going to WorldCon!!! I need money!!!
Jennifer Roberson will be there :) And so will soooo many other authors...
Lydia, Wing-Sze and I are massterminding a great scheme--esaays on Fantasy! We got so dissapointed in the Lit. class...said it'd cover fantasy and didn;'t :( that we started to see a need to discuss fantasy in the literary style/way/community.
Lydia, Wing-Sze and Jessica (who is sick and missed the last brainstorm session after the final)compose my writers group. They are all creative writing majors :) And I'll be meeting with them once a month in berkeley and hopefully with John, Rory, and Ricow three guys (Ricow and Rory were in SFLit, and John I met at Velvet Revolution-on campus open mike) It'll be kinda sad if we're all girls!
Katie, my other friend from State is graduating and moving back to Davis. I, Katie and maybe somne other ppl might form a writer's group to meet regularly in Sac.
Being in SF has made me long to be home. Seeing pieces of the literary community here, make me determined to be involved in the community in Sac and add to it in whatever way I can.
Can anyone tell my creativity has been smothered this semester? it's obvious--Dreamer Drea is on the return, and with avengence!
i can't be in a hurry to graduate--it'll kill the writer, and the writer is my essence, so I can't sacrifice it. I just can't.
So home it is! And with joy!
And its the twenty-fifth....lol... |
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| 07:31pm 11/05/2006 |
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I'm sorry my livejournals have been lengthy and depressing. That's not the real me, everyone knows that right? This semester has worn me thin. I feel like my life is on hold here...and look...i'm rambling about how frustrated/angry/depressed i am again. Shit. I wanna go home.
I understand if no one reads my journals anymore. |
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| 09:04pm 10/05/2006 |
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I applied to Sac State for fall. I hope I'm there. Half my mind opperates in Rextian. Maldian wants to come through. In Sac, on my bed rests the new hardback :Karavans, by Jenefir Raobberson, which Ryan bought me a few weeks ago. but with so many papers due the next two weeks, i am trapped in the stress. With Don-Yin building, stronger than a whisper, growing toward a gale, and the waters of the un concious are racing, sloshing, overlapping with the concious miind. i am stranded on the beach, between. With livejournal my only outlet for stifled, starved creativity.
Give me release from this nightmare. Let me be away from routine. The same cycle, the same information, the same faces and I am trapped. Exhausted by the need to be normal. Does anyone understands? My public face wares me to nothing, eroding me into a muiserable mess...and damned if I don't sound depressed.
I need Don-Yin.
I am starved.
I need a day alone, but I get a morning on te weekends, if I'm lucky. To indulge. Lately, i've been getting two...maybe...time alone spent in contentment, relaxation. But here I am stressed, wired, tired, spent to the bone. Aching for a break. A pause in routine. |
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| 09:42pm 08/05/2006 |
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Hi. I'm bored. I just wrote my Classics paper and i'm taking a break from schoolwork right now. in an hour I'll retrieve the reaction paper I wrote at home over the weekend from my e-mail and run spell check over the crappy piece. Then I'll print it and turn it in tomorrow.
I accidently dumped hella garlic on my fettecini today. Thought it was parmesan cheese. i've been writing lots of poetry lately.
Today all of them started ouyt well and got hella depresing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I miss home.
I miss family, Saffi, warm weather, short skirts and being able to buy a smoothy without shiverng nearly to death while I drink it.
I hate essay writing. It's too structured and annoying. I wanna write my stories. I miss Tati and Arrelle.
I miss my laptop.
I'm pathetic.
Bye. |
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| 09:14pm 07/05/2006 |
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Tired of this tightrope, tired of the balancing act.
i've grounded myself in sun,
I've grounded myself there
walking from my roots into the darkened sky
I've left myself behind
only a shadow walks here
don't you see?
Sever the dream and the body dies
But you can't see
not that
the slow withering
but I feel it
slow slow slow
i'm deteriorating in your vision
but you only see the ready smile
though it's another crack in my face
another wavering mask
donned to hide the insanity
crowding crowding crowding
but I seem no different from yesterday
last friday
when you saw me
we talked
inane and mundane
but that was my shadow
I exist elsewhere, where shade is nhearer sun
where dreams walk
and there
I breath
air more vibrant
and know myself whole
but here i am less
because the words won't come.
Here I am less because the dreams cannot transix onto the page
In this shadow, plunging through text books
the imagination resides miles away
ellusive
beckonning
and stress stands a brick wall
"Be normal!" it cries
and I bow to its call
I cower before the bfricks
bent low on my knees
nose pressed to newsprint
while my mind
circles circles circles
a jumble of names and language
foriegn, old, lost, forgotten
imagined
tumbles tumbles tumbles
and I am lost in the halls
of the Buisness building
in the laugh exchanged with a school-friend
i deny myself until this shade
wanders in my place
less than me
not me
false
and I forget what it was like to be whole
I forget what it was like
to lose myself
in the pattern of words
to read for pleasure
and the intellect demands attention
while the imagination roils with anger
and between the two
I walk
on a tightrope
where balance
means life
and stumbling
stuttering
step
is
death |
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| 02:19pm 07/05/2006 |
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I am mad right now. For anyone to assume that any major is "easy" is a falacy. Everyone has their strengths. Please forgive me if I refuse to choose a major contrary my strengths and aptitudes. Wait. Anthro isn't my greatest strength or aptitude. It stresses me out--and having 2 20 page research papers hanging over my head due in 2 weeks (though I have been a good enough student to already start on the writing) is not fun. Especially when I have 3 other 10 page papers due as well. Loads of fun.
In fact, so much fun , that I don't write. I'm driving myself insane for the sake of a good grade. Guess what? That's not my speed. Guess what? If it doesn't make you happy, and if the reward doesn't feel rewarding, the stress sacrificed in reaching the goal is not worth it. I don't tell other people what is right and wrong for them, not even directly. I don't judge others. Guess what? That's learned and satudied in anthroplogy.
When I make so much time for the people I care about, for anyone to lash out and take their anger out on me--and not to my face where any misunderstandings can be allayed and questions and clarifactions can be aired--hurts worse than any physical pain. I have known too many people lately who enjoy taking things wrong, savor their own depression, and revel in theirown victimization which is created in their own minds to create a check that maintains low-self esteem when the individual does not wish to see that they are indeed very strong, very capable, but not always in the areas they assume they must BE so capable. I hate this negative self-involvement being transferred onto me. Already, when I care about the person, it hurts to see them hurt themselves. I hate standing back keeping my mouth shut when I see a friend who is feeding their insecurities and hurting themselves as they do. I wish I could render some metaphysical band-aid that cures all invisible wounds. But those soul-deep sores can only be healed by the individual.
The problem with these insecurities is not minor, because the persons doubts and fears DO lash out at others. And when they do, and the person hurts others, that inner pain becomes a "look what lousy friends I have, no one understands me, I am alone, I am in pain, I need too block out the world" and the pain magnifies until the person hides from the world. And when one sees this in a person with so much beauty, intelligence, strength, it hurts. It hurts because one cares. It hurts because always the individual sees their faults, and takes for granted their strengths, until those strengths, like sugar in boiling water, diminish to nothing and is gone. The person spent too much time moaning silently or vocally over how hot the water was. Dwell in the negative, and see negative everywhere, and you will relegate the positive to the ignored portions of your mind.
I hate expressing anger online. Anyone ever mad at me needs to talk directly to me. Anything indirect makes me angrier, and my words which will be chosen carefully initially, will become biting. But I know my faults as well as my strengths, and I wish to develop what I am interested in/good in and curtail my faults, as best I am able.
I don't want to subject the people I love the most to my bad qualities. That's why I hate handling it this way. Anyone who made me mad deserves to hear me stumble over my words and hear that I care. Anger is not a good emotion, and it should be handled well so that there are no grudges. Grudges hurt friendships. I'm tired of taking people into my heart, so to speak, and having them decide that for all of my efforts to be a good friend, to listen, to make time, to let everyone else know what's going on in my life and to be intrested in theirs--I'm not good enough. An errant word taken wrongly, assumptions stemming from a missunderstanding, transference and fear can destroy what should be too strong to sunder. It hurts, because it makes me fear. I become mad not at the individual, but at the assumption . What did I do in my past that anyone could assume I intended ill will? I don't mean anything of the sort. That it is assumed of me, that I am created into a bad person, that hurts.
I always ask, "Tell me what I do wrong, so I can change," and people don't. People decide it's better to lash out. It's better to be angry, and better to assume.
There is nothing that hurts worse.
Melissa, Vicki and BaoTran--what is my karma that this has happened thrice in less than a year? I must have done something wrong along the line.
Forgive me for my faults, I always seek to immprove. I apologize for my words that were never meant cruelly. I apologize that I am flawed. I cannot expect perfection of myself, but I will remedy what is in my power to remedy. And I will always, always love my friends.
Even when words are exchanged and pain is caused by mistake. |
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| Down with Burocracy! |
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| 11:07pm 25/04/2006 |
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Ok, so mabey I can't spell.
But onto other things.
My week is one long "To Do" list and at the top of ot this morning was "request final transcript" cuz I got an e-mail from State saying they'd block my registration if I didn't have it to them by May 5th. And what time do I have? Around classes, club, writer's group, and Velvet Revolution?
None.
So after Archaelogy I race back to my place, get online and find I can't order them online cuz I'm no longer an SCC student. Ryan gives me the admissions number, so I can call and request it. Only, I can't request it over the phone. I have to request in person. Saturday. Which cuts things hella close. Shit, I'm worried.
So I nervously pick something to read at Velvet revolution, pack up and go to the open mike. The room has never been so full of ppl. I sit demurely and listen, totally nervous at the prospect of going up. So I didn't.
I returned to my place and began research for papers due in 2 weeks. Research this week, write next week. Such a bad procrastinator! I'll have something like 50 pages to write next week, to turn in the week following.
Oh, and after that? Finals.
Tghe joys of life. |
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| Bad Luck |
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| 08:23pm 24/04/2006 |
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Last night Brandon drove me to the Amtrack station. As his car is in the shop (prolly fixing the illegal tinted windows) he had mom's car. For some reason (my mom says it was a protest in West Sac or something) there was a line practically out the door to buy train tix. So I got in the shorger line for the atm tix.
I was two ppl behind with the train coming in a little over 5 min, and i had a narrow window to get the ticket and make tghe train. Brandon called me and said, "Drea, get out here. i'm gettimg a ticket. Let's go."
I said: "i have 3 min to get the ticket and get on the train. If I don't get it in 3 min, I'll be outside."
He said: "Let's go, now."
I said, "3 minutes!"
"Fine," he told me, "I'll drive around the block."
I hung up, the person in front of me left, ticket in hand, and I stepped up to the ATM ticket machine. I put my card in, and something went rwrong. "Ok, still have time, it's ok." Ryan was there with me, too, and he helped. Well, cuz he was there I didn't flip out. see, the 3rd time the card didn't work there was an announcement, "Train to San Jose is in the station and Boarding, Train is Boarding on Track..."
"There's something wrong with the machine," said Ryan.
"Fuck it," i told him.
"Last call for Train to San Jose," declares the loadspeaker.
I turn away, and stock toward the door, with ryan turning to follow, carrying my new ream of comptuter paper in a Forever 21 bag, and my clothes in my knotwork bookbag--he's a gentleman, I suppose. Made it easier to stock away? Glare at the glass, shove the door open and thunder into the dusk.
"But the next train--"
"Can't take it," I told him. "It's not till 8:40, which would put me in Daly City around midnight, which could be done, but the last bus that runs from Daly City to State stops at 12:30, so it'd be too close, and Shoko would be asleep. Don't want to disturb her."
"Sucks," he said. "When;'s you're first class?"
"10:10. How early should I leave--?" Because Ryan, having come down twice on amtrack, knew the scheduales, whereas I certainly can't memorize numbers."
"There's a 7:40 train," he suggested, and I elected to call Brandon.
"I missed the train," i told him as my heart still raced with the adreniline, compounded with resentment for long lines and a new, increased distaste for technology.
"Ok, I'm almost there," he said, "But cross the stret 'cause I was getting a ticket.'
"Where?" I asked.
"Not by starbucks cross the street. I'll meet you where--" The phone cut out.
I frowned a little, folded it up and stuffed it in my purse. "He said cross the street," I told Ryan, "Then the phone lost reception."
Well...so we did as he said. We crossed the street, sat on the steps and waited. "Do you know where he's parked?" Ryan asked after some time.
"I dunno,"I said. "I guess I could call him again."
"Yeah."
I flipped to "Brandon," pressed send, and when he picked up, he said, "I'll be there in a while. across the street."
"Where?"
"Drea--I'll call you back. I got rearended."
"What?!"
"I'll call you back."
"Ok." This time I held the phone a little folded in my palm before putting it in the purse. "Brandon will be here soon, but he got rear-ended."
"Your mom's car--" said Ryan.
"Yeah," I said, taking my turn with the word. "I'm not calling to give them that news."
After awhile of waiting Ryan asked, "Is that him?"
And there was Brandon in mom's car, and he pulled over, we climbed in. But as ryan circled the back end, he said, "Geez."
And "Geez," was right.
"I got whip-lash." said Brandon once the car was moving. "Idiot. He was distracted and ran into me at 36 miles an hour. A yukon or something."
"Bad luck,"I said, and felt very anxious as we got home.
Ryan and I shared a plate of meat and potatoes while brandon spoke with mom and Dad. I waited nervous, distracted myself with Rextian; decided to give Ryan a list of the alphabet and assorted basic verbs, "to be," "to live", "To hold,", "to go," "to come," and a list of tenses. So "Vifah jaed sicheneom uh aneedakloah shjae feetheyae shoree," only that's a little more complicated , "I came to this city but I didn't want to leave home."
The journey here was another story.
Woke at 6, and dad had made me a pot of coffee. Ryan met me at the station (we have a ritual; he sees me off, it's sweet)and I bought a mocha. I got my good-bye hug/kiss and got on the train. I pulled out my paper and started writing.
After Davis the train came to a sudden stop.
Over the loudspeaker we hear, "We'll be delayed here. It appears the train hit a pedestrian who may have been attempting suicide."
The hourse tick by. I pull out my phone.
"Sorry folks," says the intercom. "We're waiting on the police department. The coronor has to arive, and the crew needs to be replaced and the tracks and engine must be inspected before we continue. The trains to Chicago and Oregon are also held up by this delay."
You see, I took the 7:40 train that I could make my classes in San Fransisco. What happened instead is that I was delayed two hours as the legal and safety issues were attended. I called 2 of my SF friends incase I didn't make classes. I talked to my Dad twice, my mom once, and Ryan the rest of the time.
He tortured me by deciding to make coffee.
We inched forward again, and I arrived in Richmond, caught the BART to daly city, caught the shuttle, and raced to my apartment to change, and grab my bags. At this point I had less than a 1/2 hour until my last class. I bought a Subway sandwich and downed it in 5 min before class.
I had totllay forgotten we had a quiz. I had read maybe 70 pages of the novel, at least. We had to define terms--LOL! Define terms! it's hard to understand fantasy terms?????
I answered 8 of 10. Got 8 of 10, I'm certain.
Met Simone for Coffee downtown and windowshopped in the H&M, bought nothing. Broused Forever 21, found nothing. Returned to apartment, exhausted.
Tomorrow: research and tying.
The papers are upon me! Goal: get 1/2 of my 2 20-page researxch papers done this week, begin on Classics paper and write the next paper for Theory.
Velvet revolution is tomorrow, Writer's Group Wednesday, and Wed night, Honors Anth club.
Here's to another week of stress!
!!!! |
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| 04:55pm 20/04/2006 |
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Cynthia is doing homewok with a friend in the livingroom.
I think Takako dropped our classees :( She hasn't been in this week.
Going home tomorrow!
Felt totally down today. Grumpy and grouchy. But chocolate fixed all. Gonna have dinner in Berkeley tonight and read the Aeniad on the train tomorrow.
Need to do research this weekend, and beginning writing research paper next week. My life is wonderful! Not.
Should work on Tiauna's child for an hour before I leave...
I am amused by letran and ryan's "discourse" on lj. hehehehe |
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| 10:04pm 19/04/2006 |
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It was sunny today, so i got dressed in a dress. Powder blue, over my jeans. I went to the Student center and saw that Cafe 101 was too long for cofee, and ordered a plain bagel with strawberry cream cheese.
My first class of the day was in the humanities building and as cafe Rosso is nearer that building I ordered cofee there, knocked into it with my purse and spilt it all over the dress and had to return home to attempt to clean it.
That transformed into changing when the coffee didn't come out but remained in this great long arc from hip to knee.
The rest of the coffee catupulted off my desk and onto the floor in Classics. I do mean catupulted, I adjusted position, the desk swang up and the coffee hurtled in an arc to land lid-on floor before falling sideways, rolling and spilling a massive pool of coffee all over the floor of Humanities 108.
I cleaned it up and felt like a fool. I missed 10 min or so of the lecture on the Aeniad, and the boy next to me lent me his notes after class.
Then to Anthro of Religion, not disasterous, but tense. I was to have the 1st meeting of Lambda Alpha Honors Anthro club meeting and at the time the thought stressed me out.
SF lit went ok. Lydia liked 1st chapter of Rocky Empire and then I shared the synopsis of Traitor Born...we'll see..
Talked to ryan then, and went club meeting. It went better than I expected. It was such a relief! Finally getting something done! |
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| 10:47pm 18/04/2006 |
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Hello everyone. Suprised I still exist on lj?
So..last week was interesting. It began with my purse being yanked while I talked on the phone inbetween Classics and Anthropology of Religion, pacing about outside the Buisness building. When it started to rain and Katie and this sophomore from our class (whose name I don't remember, so very bad of me) were talking a bunch. And then I hung up the phone and Wing Sze was there and then the rain started to fall ever harder...I ran to class sat down and went, "My purse!"
Tuesday needed to be better.
I went to Velvet Revolution, the open mike in the Humanities building and John was hosting. John writes SF/ F. John called me out of order. John is mean and cruel.
I read a bit of Traitor. Dayis and Tati earned more acclaim, surprise, surprise. I should really bring some poetry because sharing Don-Yin will make me redundant, I fear.
Then, because I had to cancel all my accounts and stuff I was broke. My friend Jessica paid for my laundry. Lydia, Takako, and Jessica helped me with food and my roomate Shoko gave me ten dollars.
In short, I survived.
Somehow. See? best to be optimistic. life always wins. :)
Then on Friday, Ryan came down and paid for my trip back to sac--everyone who knows me on lj has met him, yes? My friends Megan and Omar introduced us in January and now it'll be two months next week. Damn. I really haven't been on lj in a long time.
So, saturady I was invited to have dinner with Ryan's father and his wife, Cecilia, in Lincoln. Mr. Daniel Uselmann appeared at my house to pick us up and my mom strides right down the steps and takes his hand. My, it was funny. Why am I so amused? My mother thought Mr. Uselmann has courage for wearing kilts on a regular basis.
He also offered her bamboo. He grows bamboo. He wanted a potted japanese maple because he makes--omg, brain fart--the miniture japanese potted plants. LOL.
So i dyed eggs and ate a big meal and left for home. But it took the whole day.
Easter it rained. My dad worked. My grandfather had just gotten out of the hospital. So the highlight of the day was walking to Alhambra strabucks and having a hot cocoa.
I took amtrak back on monday. Skipped two classes. But I have A's in both, so I didn't really care.
I didn't miss SF lit. Had a quiz on "Do Androids dream of Electric Sheep?" aka "Blade Runner" only totally not. After class Wing Sze and Lydia and I went downtown to "The coffee Bean and Tea Leaf" and had tea lattes. Very yummy.
Watched Blade Runner this evening--after going shopping this afternoon--had to reward myself for surviving--plus...I paid for summer class, signed up for poli sci (GE course) and can't take a second cuz that one is 4 units :(
looking forward to going home. |
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| 10:29pm 13/02/2006 |
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mood: content
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So...did my reading for te Illiad like 2 weeks ago and had quiz today and totally had forgotten the details (sob sob)
Read most of Frankenstien yesterday, quiz today
(missed last 3 q's because some Berkeley Electrical Engineer guy from grass Valley talked to me on Amtrack all the way from Sac to Richmond, then on BART from Richmond to Berkeley) Sighh..thankfully MUNI takes FOREVER to get from Embarcadaro to State.
Love my SF&F Lit class. Starting a club. Drea will be President! Yay!
Leadership meeting for Honors Anthro Club is Thursday.
Love Anthropology of Religion class.
I'm working on Tiauna's Child again. Ordered a new battery for my laptop (needs one).
And so! Life continues and is thankfully pleasant. |
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| 07:00pm 31/01/2006 |
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mood: lonely
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I got out og class at 2 today, though the progf let us out early. I picked up the books I'd ordered, bout more (expensive...sobs)
I read an article for my class tomorrow and then had some coffee (cuz my roomate's nice and had extra) then started writing.
I was so happy! Making progress on QFA rewrite (that's Quest For Arrelle, for those unfamiliar with that, my original manuscript) and I wanted to use some of my fav scenes from the original copy, edit them a bit and make them fit, so I call ho,e.
Talking to my mother makes me want to go home this weekend, but then she tells me (and this is my second day of classes) that they're painting my room, and adding shelves. I mean, I approve that they want to make my room a library, but I was hoping they'd wait a year until I graduate.
I feel like a guest here, you know. It's my corner here, and I like all my roomates so far (especially Shoko) but it really isn't home and I'm not even gone a week and my parents start acting like I'm officially moved out! I'm afraid of going home and feeling like a guest in my own, "house."
My eyes are red, probably, and I'm not crying right now, but I want to. Maybe I shouldn't go home this weekend, I'll just cry and cry and cry.
I'll bet their going to pack all my things into boxes and store them in the closet.
I feel...kicked out...
And it hurts. |
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| 03:04pm 28/01/2006 |
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mood:  but relaxed? odd combo
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I'm so hurt you guys think I don't read responses! Will now, tho. I promiose to be online more often...but I need to figure out how to put AIM on my new comp. Yeah, that's right! My new computer! Drea got a desktop!
Classes start monday for me...so scary. Still no roomates to be seen (so sad). Makes me nervous, you know? I've got four of the books I need for class (as in I previously owned them: Illiad, Oddessy, Gilgamesh and The Left Hand of Darknes) ordered 6 or 7 from the bookstore. I wanted to figure out how to use Amazon/Half...but this whole thing confuses me! I will learn to use the computer! I promise! Lol.
Oh yeah...10 books I need are out of stock. Yes. Ten books. And I was thinking of taking advantage of the Free Gym membership that comes w/ living in the village, but...no...I'll be studying more than I ever have in my life. Well, I suppose it was about time (sighing my reluctance) and I'll be writing every free moment I have! Which will be far too few, I think. Oh well.
And I'll figure out how to set up AIM on this comp. I will. |
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| 07:10pm 16/12/2005 |
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Hello Everyone!
So...this has been the craziest semester I've ever seen. I started it more social than I'd ever been in my life (and I think it killed me a little...y'know, at least changed me???) Oy, no like. So...had my ten page paper due monday (as well the final in Linguistic Anthro) Then was thrown into the Buy-Back hell at the College Store. The funnest thing is that when I say "Sign Here," on the paid-out slips some people ask where, mind this is after i gesture at the blank space. It makes me very interested in handwriting analysis and I have seen so many signatures this past week that I'm curious "what can it tell me?"
I saw Narnia with coworkers :) Good fun.
I went for a walk with my mom last weekend and saw a Santa Claus on a motorcycle (or was it a mo-ped?) with a christmas tree at his back, just zooming down H-st and waving at people as he passed them....yeah....
On another note: GIRLS CHRISTMAS: 24TH AT 2:00 PM MY HOUSE
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS THAT NIGHT AT 7:OO, FOR ANYONE TO COME--TOUR THE LIGHTS WITH ME! BRING A HEAVY COAT. I WILL MAKE COCOA :) :) :)
IS WEDNESDAY 28TH GOOD FOR ICESKATING? THOSE INTERESTED GIMME A CALL!!!!
The capslocks wear me out, but I'm uncertain how to make things bold on lj. Drea: computer inept. I apologize.
Otherwise: more revising of Traitor Born and Tiauna's Child began to grow after I reverted into a healthy hermitude punctuated with "When will the spring books be in?" At some point I recall revising a few hundred pages of Rocky Empire, too. Wrote an outline and synopsis for Traitor (shudders) hate those, they're hard for me...
drea at nine: "What's summarizing?"
Teacher: "You say only what's important to the story."
drea: "But...this lead to that, and that...it's all important!!!"
Teacher: (Sighs) You need to work on this skill, that book report took an hour and a half..."
drea: "But, but...if they hadn't looked for the teddy bear they never would have found the letter and without the letter..."
Yeah.
Anyways...hope the length of this made up for my "absence." Enjoy life, every one! |
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| 02:24pm 10/06/2005 |
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So, had a fight with my brother. Mom tried to intervene to disolve tension. Brandon left and didn't return home until the next day. Mom waits for him to arrive home after teaching near midnight yesterday. Brandon claimed he thought I was avoiding him cuz I was mad when I was certain it was the reverse because he's admitted to using the silence treatment in the past. I don't. I talk things out. I've never avoided confrontation. I thought my little brother would know this. Moreover, after slamming the door so hard the wall shook and vanishing for a night, he wanted to pretend as if nothing had changed and said he was never angry.
I guess things are resolved, sort of. But there is no resolving things with him, cuz he'll lose his temper then deny that he did. He'll say "I was frustrated" and he looked murderous for no reason? Whatever. |
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dreemdawn's journal
